you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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