if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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