There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
