it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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