I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
