Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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