I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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