Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
