Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
