The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You did what with his pubic hair?
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