community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
