hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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