evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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