I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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