That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
