we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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