I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
