these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
