And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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