He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
