it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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