I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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