i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
