just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
