at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
