i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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