i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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