Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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