he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
