So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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