dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
