I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
