Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize