I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
