The maid of honor just puked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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