Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
