We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
