he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
