U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
