Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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