I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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