Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
