Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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