Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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