I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
