before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
