You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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