I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
