Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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