I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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