Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
