It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boobs are out for the taking
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
