Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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