Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
