last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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