I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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