I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Please don't give away my fajitas
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