I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
