ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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