i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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