There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
