dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
